First FPR (frozen pizza review) – Roma Bacon Cheeseburger

Standard

Before I delve into the meat of my first FPR (no plain cheese yet rofl), I’m going to set some general guidelines for what you can expect from each and every FPR. First, you’ll be getting the nominal data on calories/$, oz/$, and cook time. Next you’ll get an in-depth review of the complex flavors each and every pie delivers 2 ur mouth hole. Finally I’ll be giving the FP a 1-100 score in a bunch of different categories including mouth-feel. Buckle up.

The Roma Bacon Cheeseburger FP:

Data provided by bernatellos:

  • suggested cook time 11-14 minutes
  • $2.50 (4 FP’s for $10)
  • 13 ounces (not gonna break your back carrying these around)
  • 840 Calories/FP
  • whatchu came for: 336 Cal/$, 5.2 oz/$

This is the first FPR, so there’s nothing to compare these numbers to, but I will say this pizza seemed particularly light and thin.

FP review:

Appearance: I didn’t get a picture of the FP, but the packaging provides a loose idea of what to expect. The main difference between the picture below and what sat on my table, was the noticeable disparity in toppings. The meat bits were fewer, and markedly smaller on my pie. The cheese coverage was spotty, and the crust was thin to the point of fracturing at many points along the perimeter of this sorry CFP (cooked frozen pizza). 

Image

Nose: Immediately hit with strong notes of artificial happiness. Hints of processed meat and cave aged cheese. Finishes with a gentle whiff of regret.

Taste: Not good. There were not many distinct flavors I could pull from the pie. It had melded together into one giant slab of warm homogenized regret. When I tasted the meat bits by themselves, I couldn’t tell what I was eating. It tasted salty I guess, not a lot else.

Mouth-feel: each bite had a lot of crunch. The crust was dry, and the small amount of sauce did not provide sufficient moisture to combat the arid base of the pie. The meat bits were chewy.

Overall: I would not recommend this FP to anyone. I have had ok success in the past with ROMA pizzas before, but this particular FP was one of the worst I have had.

Ratings:

Value: 62/100 – very cheap, but also not a lot of sustenance provided.

Taste: 17/100 – I made it through the entire FP, but it was not easy…

Aura: 14/100 – Everything felt wrong.

Mouth-feel: 24/100 -very unpleasant.

Overall: 31/100 F

Suggested wine pairing: 2012 Charles Shaw Cabernet Sauvignon

Hopefully next time things go better. That’s it for now, check back every Sunday night for a new FPR.