SIXTEENTH FPR – OPRAH O THAT’S GOOD! CLASSIC CRUST SUPREME PIZZA*

Wow, here comes a new FPR just in time for everyone to read by themselves or at least 6 feet away from anyone else.

This review comes with a big caveat, so big that i added an asterisk to the review name. At first I wasn’t even going to mention it, but I realized I have to be open and honest with you all. You’ve trusted me to give you the pizza facts, so here it is: this pizza has been in my freezer for like a year. I’ve been meaning to review it, but I just never quite felt like I was ready for Oprah’s take on an FP. Pandemics change people. I’m ready now.

So, the pizza i review here likely isn’t completely representative of Oprah, O That’s Good, or Kraft Heinz’s hard work they put into this product. There’s definitely aspects of the pie I ate that were negatively impacted by the long freeze time, but there’s also some characteristics that i believe are immutable. I’ll focus on the latter, but will speculate a bit about the former.

O That’s Good has two types of pizza – thin crust (square shaped. weird for an FP), and classic crust. I got a classic crust pie. According to their website the thin crust is “33% cauliflower, 100% delicious!”, and the classic crust is “1/3 cauliflower and fully delicious.” Sounds pretty similar.

O That’s Good also has a line of pasta, soups and sides. Who cares.

I don’t remember how much i paid for this pizza on account of it being so long ago, but It’s going for $5.99 at Target online so I’ll use that (assuming they aren’t following John Menard’s business practices in these trying times).

• suggested cook time 24-28 minutes at 400 (one of the longest cook times I’ve ever seen)
• $5.99?
• 24.1 ounces
• 1600 Cal/FP
• ehh ok: 267 Cal/$, 4.0 oz/$

FP review:

Appearance:

The packaging reminds me of DiGiorno a bit. Overall not a huge fan. Maybe it’s the weird purple table cloth the pizza is sitting on, or the emblem that says “so delicious you won’t taste the difference!” (what difference?), but the FPP just is not doing it for me:

One thing i did appreciate is they included baking instructions for people living at a high altitude. I also really liked that these instructions weren’t too prescriptive. Oprah understands that if you’re cooking one of these in the mountains, you don’t need a box to tell you how to live your life.

I did not take a picture of the pizza before it went in the oven because it looked terrible.

Here’s how it looked after 27 minutes:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

All things considered, i was pretty happy with how it turned out. Sure it cooked a little unevenly, but the cheese mostly browned nicely, and the toppings looked sort of inviting. Like they’d let you come over if you had nowhere else to go. I mean not right now, you should stay home, don’t go to anyone’s house.

Nose:

Not good at all. Smells like freezer? Muted notes of cauliflower and wet cardboard. Kind of reminiscent of how an uncooked lean pocket smells, which reminds me of my childhood.

Mouth-feel:

Honestly, probably one of the worst frozen pizzas I’ve ever had in this regard, and i’m not sure how much of this was my fault. Here’s some quotes from some reviews of this pie on Target.

O That’s Bad Pizza said: “I had to get the sharpest butcher knife to cut the thing when I took it out of the oven. The crust is thick, dense, tasteless.”

That’s Bad ! said: “…then there was the crust, the most important part of a great pizza. I believe cardboard would have tasted better. ”

Disgusted said: “The crust is like cardboard and the whole thing lacks any flavor. I’m blown away that Oprah would back such a terrible product.”

I say: “Yeah, it’s pretty bad. The crust was very very hard and way too thick to be classified as crispy. If you’re going to make a hard crust it can’t be 12 milimeters thick:

There was also barely any sauce. If there originally was more sauce and it somehow seeped into the crust or whatever while it was in the freezer over the past year that makes the crust mistake even worse. If this chunky, cardboardy, hard, barnyard crust is sauce-seeped crust, i don’t even want to think about how inedible the unseeped crust is.

On other hand, If this sauceless pie is how “Oprah” intended it to be….. I’d bet it was her clone’s idea.”

Overall:

With all the negatives I’ve listed above, I will give a bit of praise here. Most of the toppings were much better than I expected them to be, especially considering their long hibernation. The pepperoni was clearly a better product than what’s usually used on FPs and the sausage had a great spicy zest. The green and red peppers were soggy like most vegetables inevitably become on a frozen pizza, but the olives somehow avoided this fate and had a nice texture and taste.

In summary this pie had many problems, some of them might have been a result of my negligence, but at its core it was just trying too hard. Here’s a good example from the frozen pizza packaging:

O That’s Good is trying to be hip and cool by telling consumers everything they can recycle. First of all, when in doubt don’t recycle (just read the link, but basically if you put stuff in the recycling that can’t be recycled it wrecks everything, so don’t. But also idk most stuff probably isn’t really getting recycled anyway, but try your best). Second of all, calling the pizza cardboard a paper circle is weird. Third of all, the purple table cloth background is still dumb.

Ratings:

Value: 68/100 – I guess it’s pretty dense, and it has a fair amount of calories, so it does fill you up

Taste: 63/100 – mostly bland, the proteins tasted above average, the olives were nice, the sauce and crust was awful, the cheese was kind of just there.

Aura: 22/100 – would’ve given it a 12 if it didn’t have the high altitude instructions

Mouth-feel: 8/100 – Basically the worst. Added a few points for the olives intact structural integrity.

Overall: 40/100 – F, better than the Roma Bacon Cheeseburger, but not by much

Suggested wine paring – I don’t drink alcohol during the pandemic because Joe Rogan said it hurts my immune system and i need all that for this stuff. I’ve been weening myself off seltzer water so it’s mostly been tap water with a bit of lime juice. Idk try it.

If I go to the store anytime soon maybe i’ll pickup another FP and do another one of these. For now I’ll be staying put, but who could say?

Fifteenth FPR – Pep’s Drafthaus Original The 5 Meat Treat

This one is a request by Ben McFarlando. He wrote:

“Please add to your reviews a brand new pizza named Pep’s Drafthaus “5 Meat Mas”h… [sic] its literally the best frozen pizza I’ve ever had, Bought it at Sendiks & Woodmans.”

As you can see below, Ben McFarlando is a big name in the FP community. I was very excited to get a comment from him, so I just had to review this Pep’s Drafthaus 5 Meat Mash.

Yes Ben “big ben frozen pizza wisconsin” McFarlando

Pep’s Pizza is named after Pep Simek – A frozen pizza innovator, good old Wisconsin boy,  and founder of Tombstone Pizza. After Pep sold Tombstone to Kraft in 1986, he wanted to make his pizza passion a little more personal, so he started a new company and named it after himself. His estate also owns Captain Morgan’s Retreat in Belize. What a guy.

Pep’s Pizza initially only offered their “Original Thin Crust Pizza”, but recently (probably June based on their new Facebook cover photo date) they added the Drafthaus pies to their lineup. This move isn’t innovative, a lot of FPM’s have been pivoting towards a more artisanal approach, but I appreciate the work Joseph “Pep Jr.” Simek is doing in memory of big pep pep.

This is definitely the most massive frozen pizza I have ever reviewed, maybe it is the biggest frozen pizza ever. I am just not sure.

• suggested cook time 17-22 minutes
• $7.99
• 33.6 ounces (stupid thicc)
• 2460 Cal/FP
• Above average: 308 Cal/$, 4.2 oz/$

I purchased this FP at the new Festival Foods. They have a pretty decent selection of FP’s, some I have never seen before.

FP review:

Appearance:

This FPP is interesting, this is one of the most lavish looking pies, but it’s packaged in a very plain shrink-wrapped casing. I think I like it. Here’s how it looks:

Over two pounds. What do they mean “mash”?

With the wrapper off, you can see the mozzarella in two formats; shredded and parsley topped chunkz. There’s also five meats: Sweet Italian Sausage, Spicy Sausage, Pepperoni, Ham, and Bacon. I know you are all wondering “what is the difference is between the Sweet Italian Sausage (SIS) and the Spicy Sausage (SS)?”. The difference is the SIS has disodium inosinate, and the SS has paprika.

Five meats, all pork. Maybe the mozz is pig cheese.

 

I cooked it for about 17-22 minutes, and it came out looking like this:

So much cheese. At this point I would believe you if you told me it was a “one meat mash”

Great cheese, I really like how the spices set on top of the pie. This looks great.

Nose:

It smells a lot like Portesi Cheese Fries with tomato sauce. A little bit of garlic, a little bit of parsley, and a little bit of sodium erythorbate. Pleasant.

Mouth-feel:

Very good here. Plenty of sauce, crispy crust, gooey cheese, and toppings that don’t goop around. Even the bites with huge chunks of sausage are great, which usually isn’t the case for meat dominated pizza bites (sometimes they get a little too greasy). The cheese is really a standout here too. It is spread very thick, but it breaks apart easily when you bite through it, and it stays fixed to the crust so it doesn’t completely slide off after your first bite.

Overall:

I think Carrol Armstrong said it best when she said “…it was the best frozen pizza I’ve ever tasted (ate) and I’ve tried a variety of frozen pizza’s and like I said Pep’s is the best. …It was very flavorful and yet not real strong just right.” Well maybe not the best, but this was an exceptional pie.

Ratings:

Value: 84/100 – At $8/pie it might seem like a raw deal, but when you look at the metrics this pie holds its own.

Taste: 94/100 – One of the best, well spiced, v nice.

Aura: 85/100 – I kind of like that they have this great pizza in such plain packaging. Teddy Roosevelt would’ve loved it.

Mouth-feel: 91/100 – Juicy bites, plenty of sauce, never too crusty, never too cheesy.

Overall: 88.5/100 – B+, Would’ve rounded up to an A if they showed up to discussion.

Suggested wine paring – Underwood Rosé

Wow, thanks for the suggestion Ben. I hope everyone has a good time.

Fourteenth FPR – Bellatoria Sausage Italia Ultra Thin Crust

Thank you to everyone for your continued support. Even though I gave up on FP’s you didn’t give up on me. Thanks to all the FPE’s (frozen pizza enthusiasts) out there, I am happy to announce the blog hit 25k views this past weekend. In order to celebrate, a brand new FPR is here!:

Wow! frozen pizza season is truly upon us. Break out the grills, rip open the charcoal, and make some friends. This review is all about the coalescence of classic and contemporary.

• suggested cook time 10-15 minutes
• $5.99
• 18.27 ounces (v. precise)
• 1240 Cal/FP
• Not the best numbers: 207 Cal/$, 3.05 oz/$

Bellatoria is a FPB (frozen pizza brand) owned by Bernatello’s Pizza, Inc.. Bernatello’s also owns Orv’s, Brew Pub (makers of lotzza motzza), and Roma. As far as I can tell, the name Bellatoria is just supposed to sound vaguely Italian and doesn’t actually translate to anything in English. The closest thing to a translation i could find is “bella tori” which means “beautiful bull”. More like a bunch of bull. Anyways…

FPR:

Appearance:

This pizza comes in a pretty corporate looking box:

Polished and bright. A little too polished and bright.

I don’t hate how glossy and refined it looks, but i don’t love it either. The “ultra thin crust” font is a little try-hard, and the “ultra” prefix seems a lot try-hard and unnecessary.

The unboxed pie presents itself pretty well. According to the box, there are three types of cheese and two types of sausage that populate the bed of “Rich Italian Sauce”. The toppings were spread around well enough, with a bit of crimson peaking through the three cheese blend near the edges.

OK topping dist. Good looking cheese.

I cooked this FP in a regular oven (Plz Davey give me Pizzazz back). The pie got cooked unevenly as a result. See the strange caramelization of cheese below:

is it uneven because of the topping distribution, or the oven? IDK, i report u decide.

I do really like how the cheese started to brown around the edges, and I wanted to let the pie cook a bit longer to let the center get in on that caramel action… In the end i decided to play it safe. Some undercooked portions are better than some burnt portions in my book.

Nose:

Herbal. Italian-Peruvian spice blend. Definitely garlic… Probably some oregano. Hints of dried fennel seed. Overall, more scent and better scent than most pizzas.

Mouth-Feel:

I like this aspect of the pie, specifically i like how simple it seems. The cheese isn’t stringy, the sausage is there, the sauce is plentiful, and the crust is crispy. There isn’t much more you could ask for. Very pleased here.

Overall:

I was a little wary of Bellatoria as a company, especially when i learned they were associated with Roma. Once I moved past the initial investigation and moved to the initial digestegation, I was satisfied with the quality of the FP.

Ratings:

Value: 64/100 – Pretty low value, ate the whole pie without a problem.

Taste: 91/100 – Really liked this pie’s zest. I appreciated the Italian sausage’s spice. Not a lot, but just enough

Aura: 77/100 – Ehhh, I still think Bellatoria is trying a little too hard with the box. I also don’t like the pandering with the vague Italian motif. Maybe that’s an issue with my lens as much as it is with Bellatoria’s FPP.

Mouth-feel: 88/100 – V. good here. Nothing fantastic, nothing special.

Overall: 80/100 – B/C

Suggested wine paring – Night Train Express

P.S. The only difference in the ingredients list between the “sausage” and “Italian sausage” is “flavorings”. I mean i guess that’s how I’d go about the alchemy of turning sausage into I
Italian sausage too. Idk just a great little pizza fact.

Hopefully these reviews will come out in a more regular basis. We’ll see.

Twelfth FPR – ORV’S ULTIMATE RIZER PEPPERONI PIZZA

My deepest deep dish apologies for not having an FPR these past couple of days. School has really gotten in the way of my pizza passion. Here is a great pizza for you all to try. Also there will be an exciting announcement at the bottom of the page!

• suggested cook time 25 minutes (WOWSERS)
• $2.50 (WOW)
• 25.7 ounces
• 1700 Cal/FP
• The best numbers: 680 Cal/$, 10.3 oz/$

FP Review:

Appearance:

The FPP grabbed my attention almost as much as the great sale price. Flashy colors and a gooey product. Only the best for Orville Kositzke.

goo. rizer.

The pie without the packaging looks great. Can’t wait for the crust to rize and shine. Rumble in my tumble.

healthy pep pep community.

The finished product. The crust looks a little dark on the edges, but the rizer delivered. It is hard to believe the voluminous cornicione you see in front of you came from such a flat crusted FP.

I’ve seen better. I haven’t seen cheaper.

Let’s get a close up of the pepperoni.

The three cheese blend seems a little thin in coverage, but the huge pepperoni collection orv started on the crust seems to make up for that. The individual pepperoni slices are a little smaller than your average pep slice, but they glisten lustrously all the same.

Nose:

The tomato sauce is the big one here. Pretty much mostly stannic tomato sauce, but there’s some other scents drifting around. There are a lot of dough notes (not doughnuts lol). And maybe just a hint of pepperoni coming in at the end.

Mouth-feel:

The first bite behaves well. The crust is very thick for a frozen pizza (even compared with the digiorno), but there is enough sauce to aid in the chewing process. This continues until the sauce-less portion.

The cornicione really inflated. It feels exactly like a microwavable super pretzel. It tastes like one too, except it’s one of the pretzels where the salt didn’t stick. Maybe you didn’t put enough water on the pretzel for the salt to stick. I don’t know. It does get a bit dry, if you eat the crust all at once with no break.

Overall:

I was happy to find such a good deal at the store. This is without question the best value for a pizza I have ever seen. It was actually pretty good too. One thing that’s a little interesting about Orv’s is that it is owned by Bernatello’s. Bernatello’s also owns Roma, and Brew Pub pizzas, but neither of those have anything on the value of this pie.

Ratings:

Value: 99/100 – I don’t know how you could get any better. I will leave it as a 99, just in case…

Taste: 82/100 – Pretty average. No glaring problems.

Aura: 86/100 – It’s just an FP. Nothing fancy. I like it.

Mouth-feel: 84/100 – Loads of crust. Not a huge problem, but it could get to you after a whole FP.

Overall: 88/100 – B+ Pretty solid pie. Especially the value.

Suggested wine paring – L’Antico di Burchino vigna Casanuova Chianti 2009

Here is the big surprize. There are new FPR Tee-shirts for all of youuuu. You can check them out here and also on the sidebar. If you live in the Madison area, and want to avoid paying shipping, just message the Frozen Pizza Review Facebook page and we can work something out. I hope you all have a great pizza!

 

 

ELEVENTH FPR – EMIL’S MAIN STREET ORIGINAL SAUSAGE & PEPPERONI PIZZA

Wow! Had a great week of pizza. I hope you did too! I found this FP down the street at The Pinkus McBride Market sitting all by itself. I figured I’d take it home and give it a nice resting spot (my belly).

• suggested cook time 16-20 minutes
• $6.19 (just had to have those 20 extra cents)
• 21.6 ounces
• 1600 Cal/FP
• Not the best, Not the worst: 258 Cal/$, 3.5 oz/$

FP Review:

Appearance:

The FPP Is nice. “Real Good Pizza” let’s me know they are serious about their pies. I like that in an FPM. Hopefully all these nice vibes transfer to their product.

Great caution. I hope my caution payed off. I was very cautious.

There was plenty of meats and cheeses. The cheese looked a little suspicious though. Thankfully I was being very cautious, so nothing bad happened.

look at those meats. Look at that pellet cheese. I bet a guinea pig would eat those pellets right up.

But seriously, the cheese looked quite unnatural.

I love having big curls. Hopefully that cheese melts up nice and the pellets will just be a memory of FP past. 

When I took this thing off the Pizzazz, it looked just fine. Not a lot to write home about, but I’ll write some things I guess. The pellets melted into a fine cheese tarpaulin, covering every inch of the lusty capable crust. The meats shimmered, and the beet powder colored sauce poked through the cheese like stars cutting through the barren night sky.

Dull colors. Very cautious. Beatloaf

Nose:

The meats have strong scents of meat and stuff. Pretty average meat smells, not a lot of paprika oleoresin. the cheese seems to have lost all of it’s scent in the pelleting process. The lusty crust has a bit of malted barley wafting off of it. very Caspar Milquetoast.

Mouth-feel:

Not bad. Pretty greasy. Ample moisture. One thing I really like about this pie is that when you end up taking a bite where your teeth land on a pep pep, they easily glide through the pork/beef/salt and leave the cleaved half pep pep on the pie for a later date. In this same scenario with a different pie, I have had the whole slice of pepperoni pull of the pie, which is not pleasant.

There’s not a whole lot of sauce, but this pizza doesn’t seem to really need a lot. The pellets are fine, and the sausage is salty. Very ordinary.

Overall:

I am glad Emil’s wants us all to be cautious when enjoying their product, but if I were to do this thing over again I would’ve just let the pie take me where it wanted. Since I was so leery of the FP, I almost didn’t even get a chance to soak up the wonderful spices. If any readers check out this FP, I would suggest a more care-free approach.

 

Ratings:

Value: 79/100 – Average numbers. Supply enough nourishment for at least one meal.

Taste: 78/100 – Pretty average here too. The crust has kind of a weird aftertaste, but the cheese and toppings taste just fine.

Aura: 84/100 – Kind of hard to put into words, but I like what Emil’s made conceptually.

Mouth-feel: 80/100 – fine.

Overall: 80/100 – B/C

Suggested wine paring – Blue Nun Liebfraumlich

I am going to have a lot of pizza. I hope that you get to too. I think there’s gonna be some shirts. Hopefully you can see them soon.

TENTH FPR – DIGIORNO ORIGINAL RISING CRUST PEPPERONI

We finally did it. Double digit FPR. The big one oh. This is a big name FPM for a big FPR. In fact according to Mintel, Digiorno owns 30% of the FP market share. That’s a big slice of the pie!

• suggested cook time 18-21 minutes
• $5.99
• 27.5 ounces
• 1920 Cal/FP
• Not a bad atoll: 320 Cal/$, 4.6 oz/$

Picked up this pie down at Cap Centre, and I’ll be cookin it up on the Pizzazz.

FP Review:

Appearance:

The FPP is eye catching, but still pretty traditional. No gimmicks, just a handsome FP on some cardboard.

You can be sure there’s at least one slice of peppy on there. I wish full cardboard boxes weren’t used so much.

May have left it on the Pizzazz for 30 seconds too long, but the damage was minimal. Looks like a pretty good product. fluffy crust, decent topping coverage, and even looks like there’s some oleoresin of paprika on there.

Acceptable distribution. Acceptable numbers.

Wow, guess Jesus isn’t the only one rising today. Check out that bubbly crust!

Ready for the close up. lots of spices.

Nose:

While the FP was cooking, the apartment was filled with the scent of pepperoni. More so than with any other pizza. Must be that oleoresin. After I got this bad boy off the pan and up in my face, the scent of sweet tomato sauce wafted thru the olfactory system, down to my loins. But really, there’s a lot of sweet nectarous smells floating around. I don’t think I like it.

Mouth-feel:

First bite isn’t bad. Lots of crust, but there was also a fair amount of sauce, so the moisture levels were bearable. However, as I progressed towards the edge of the slice, the crust became overpoweringly dry and the sauce became scarce. Sidenote: the sauce is confusingly sweet, I really don’t understand what they were thinking. Anyways, the cheese works fine, and the pepperoni behaves well. Just really dry at the end.

Overall:

Everyone knows the name Digiorno. It is the most popular FP on the market any way you measure it. It’s ok.

Ratings:

Value: 84/100 – Good numbers here. I really didn’t expect this FP to have that great of value considering how much money Digiorno pumps into advertising  relative to other FPM’s.

Taste: 67/100 – Confusing. Pretty disappointed. The sauce is just a little bit too kooky for me. The sweetest sauce I’ve ever tasted on an FP. Maybe Nestle should stick to candy?

Aura: 75/100 – Ehh. It’s fine. I guess there was a big deal about a farm Digiorno got meat from doing unethical stuff.

Mouth-feel: 73/100 – fine, then dry. Not a lot of stuff going on here. The crust is pretty thick, and is pretty much just dense white bread. I guess that’s what crust is usually. Keep your water bottle handy.

Overall: 75/100 – C

Suggested wine paring – Kay Brothers Basket Pressed Shiraz 2010

I hope you had a good Easter. I hope you have a good week. Maybe if you like sweet things you would like this pizza.

 

 

 

NINTH FPR – LUIGE’S LITTLE ITALY DELUXE PIZZA

I saw this FP down the street at a local FP$, The Triangle Market. I have never seen this FP anywhere else, and I can’t really find anything out about the FPM online (Luige’s frozen pizza, Belgium, WI). I found one Yelp review and an address for the company that doesn’t even have streetview (this is as close as you can get) Something smells fishy, but we will leave that for “nose”.

• suggested cook time 10-15 minutes
• $3.99
• 18 ounces
• 1600 Cal/FP
• Pretty good numbers: 401 Cal/$, 4.5 oz/$

One interesting figure to note, is the number of “servings” in this pie. It’s a standard sized FP, which your average FPE could take down comfortably unaccompanied. However, Luige’s suggests that one of these has 10 servings. Just another strand of deception in the web of lies spun by “Luige”.

FP Review:

Appearance:

I tore into this FP before Alan got a picture of the FPP with its contents intact. Here’s what it looks like empty:

Really not a lot going on. Red white and green color scheme. Pretty standard. Simple is ok.

Nothing notable, plastic wrapped FP. This FP was cooked on the Pizzazz as is shown below:

So many different kinds of toppings. I wonder which is the saltiest

The pizza did not look the greatest.

Pepperoni, black olives, sausage, green peppers, onions and mushroom.

Decent topping distribution. Can only really see one slice of mushroom on the pie. Maybe there’s some other mushroom debris scattered around, but it seems negligible. Guess they ran out.

Definitely not a great looking pie. Pretty sad. Nothing on the FP looks appetizing. It looks like a week old roller dog. Except it’s a pizza.

Nose:

Fishy

But really, it smells like thawed frozen vegetables (probably the green peppers). The meats don’t give off any real scent. Dull as dishwater and twice as many frozen pepper esters.

Mouth-feel:

I could tell I was in for a workout after my first bite. Very chewy. The crust has almost no crunch, even the cornicione. The toppings were equally spongy, and saltier than ramen noodles. Actually, if you eat this whole pizza (which I did), more than 3 grams of sodium is sliding down your gullet. That’s a salty gullet. This crazy level of salinity, paired with the gummy crust and spotty sauce coverage led to many trips to the sink to fill up my water glass. Really unpleasant.

Overall:

Well, I guess I know why I’ve never heard of this pizza outside of one corner store. I also don’t know why they chose to spell Luigi “Luige”. Maybe they are as bad at spelling/playing Nintendo games as they are at making frozen pizzas. Anyway, not good.

Ratings:

Value: 88/100 – Highest numbers ever here. Hesitant to give it higher than the high 80’s though, on account of the ingredients feeling very cheap.

Taste: 66/100 – Salty.

Aura: 70/100 – Not a terrible feeling. somewhat negative.

Mouth-feel: 53/100 – Incredibly chewy. Not the good kind of incredible. I guess the bad kind of incredible.

Overall: 69/100 – D+ They do not give out many of those

I hope you have at least one slice of pizza this week. I hope it is a good slice.

 

EIGHTH FPR – BREW PUB LOTZZA MOTZZA PEPPERONI PIZZA

This FP was suggested by Katie Olson and Joe Marcouiller. I’ve seen these pies around town, but never gave them a shot until tonight. Looks like a lot of cheese. Great name.

• suggested cook time 18-23 minutes
• $8.99
• 23.25 ounces
• 1750 Cal/FP
• Interesting numbers: 195 Cal/$, 2.6 oz/$

FP Review:

Appearance:

The FPP (pictured below, thanks to a great suggestion from Justy Barney) boasts “over 1/2 LB Wisconsin Cheese”, but looking at those thick slices of mozzarella I wouldn’t be surprised if it was more like 250 grams!

thick cuts of great lookin cheese. can’t wait.

The Lotzza Motzza was cooked on a Pizzazz pizza oven. That’s a lot of Z’s, don’t sleep on this pie tho.

Oh boy. Get the lactaid ready.

When the timer was up and the FP was cooked, a bubbly gooey pile of cheese was waiting for me. The cooked cheese looked very pretty. It’s hard to see, but there is also quite a few pepperoni slices hiding under the mozza. Kind of intimidating.

Dale Earnhardt April 29, 1951 – February 18, 2001

Nose:

Smells like a cheese factory. Not a very big cheese factory. Probably one that just makes craft cheeses in small batches. They would probably sell a lot to tourists, cuz the locals know that they could get more for their money elsewhere. It’s not like it has a bad reputation, in fact it has over four stars on Yelp. It’s just a little expensive…

Mouth-feel:

This pizza could be a bit divisive in this area. I can definitely see why some people would really enjoy the chewy gooey cheesy mouth-feel. But for me, it’s just a bit too much. I don’t want to have to get a medial pterygoid massage after every bite. I don’t think anyone wants that.

The excessive chewiness of the cheese was not helped by the crust. The base of this pie was one of the softest I’ve experienced. I think it could partly be due to the cooking method (pizzazz), which is unfortunate because a crunchy crust would have really added an interesting component to the experience.

The sauce was plentiful, and the pepperoni was a pretty hard to notice. You could taste it, but it was hard to feel it.

Overall:

Definitely a great taste. Definitely a lot of cheese. Definitely aptly named. Probably not enough pepperoni to give you the meat sweats. Probably enough cheese to give you a stomach ache.

Ratings:

Value: 59/100 – Second lowest numbers on Cal/$, Oz/$. Cheese fills you up though.

Taste: 90/100 – I actually really enjoyed this FP’s taste. The sauce stood zestfully in the face of mountains of mozzarella. The pep pep was pretty good too.

Aura: 92/100 – I tend to like it when an FPM doesn’t hide their product behind a box. Brew Pub Pizza lets you see exactly what’s going on, and I respect that. Thank you.

Mouth-feel: 77/100 – Real chewy. But not the worst.

Overall: 80/100 – B/C Cheese get degrees

Suggested wine paring –

Lapostolle Cuvee Alexandre Cabernet Sauvignon 2011

 

Wow! another FPR in the books.

 

 

 

SEVENTH FPR – HOME RUN INN SAUSAGE & UNCURED PEPPERONI PIZZA

Shouts out Victor Duane Rose for suggesting this FPM on the FPR Facebook page. My limited experience with HRI has been very positive, and I was happy to experience their product again.

• suggested cook time 8-12 minutes
• $5.99
• 19.5 ounces
• 1320 Cal/FP
• Summary of above: 220 Cal/$, 3.3 oz/$

This is the first FP in this series that has been cooked by a Presto® Pizzazz™ Plus rotating pizza oven. Shouts out mom + dad for supporting my dream of becoming a full time pizza blogger and bringing down a PPPRPO (presto pizzazz plus rotating pizza oven). Happy birthday.

FP review:

Appearance:

Pretty standard looking FP. Looks exactly like the one on the FPP, they aren’t pulling any funny business. Another thing I noticed right away is how evenly the toppings were distributed. This might seem trivial, but it’s nice to know Nick Perrino values his customers.

Thin crust. White background. Look at that contrast.

The pepperoni is sliced “ultra thin”, and the sausage marbles are small, but plentiful. The pizza itself is also quite thin, and the SC&T (sauce cheese and toppings) are held in place by a nice cornicione.

Couldn’t place the toppings better if I tried. Even if I had tweezers (forceps).

shot with the Pizzazz. Anxious to see what  kind of heavy lifting this piece of machinery can do.

Nose:

A little stuffed up, so it’s hard to provide a lot of insight here. I will try my best. Sort of smells like pie crust, doughy, bakey, bread shops, places where they sell donuts, bakey shops, bread shops. The sauce smells cool. The pepperoni smells brackish. That’s about all I got in the snout for this round.

Regards

Mouth-feel:

Exceptional, really. I remember when I thought exceptional meant acceptable. This pie is so well balanced. The crust takes you on a roller-coaster of emotions. First you bite it and you think you got it all figured out. You think “oh it’s gonna be real flaky and I guess that’s ok, I guess flakes are cool”.

Phase 2: “wow what is happening? I thought I had it all figured out. It is changing. Oh boy this crust is getting real buttery, real creamy like. Oh I like that”

Phase 3, worlds collide (return of the flake): Somehow, after all that, you still are not done. This crust just doesn’t quit. The flakes are magically back, and there is this marvelous amalgamation of flakes and cream and sauce and cheese and sausage and pep peps.

Overall:

A little pricey I guess. For how thin the pie is, it fills you up pretty quick. Couldn’t quite finish it all by myself, I guess breakfast is figured out. Great MFRC (mouth-feel roller-coaster) though.

Ratings:

Value: 76/100 – Pretty low numbers here for cal/$, but i don’t feel bad about this purchase by any means.

Taste: 94/100 – Real good here. The salty uncured meats were balanced by the neutral magic crust. The sauce worked with the mozzarella. Fantastic.

Aura: 89/100 – I like what HRI does. When I look at the box I don’t get heeby jeebyz like some boxed pizza gives me. The company has an interesting history and the ingredients list has lots of words I understand.

Mouth-feel: 98/100 – I guess it was perfect. I’m just leaving a little bit of room on the top in case some crust comes along with four phases of magic. Hey if this crust taught me anything, it’s that the future is unknown. Plz prepare for it.

Overall: 89/100 – A/B Real nice

Suggested wine paring – Rudi Wiest Rhein River Riesling 2007

Background Pizza Music – *hitmayng

Great pizza. Thanks again Victor for the suggestion! I hope you all get a great night of sleep.

SIXTH FPR – BIG BEN FIVE MEAT PIZZA

“40 years ago a young guy with a big smile and a taste for pizza didn’t set out to create a legend. Pep Simek just wanted a great pizza… But as soon as people tasted what he had created, a legend was born…”

• suggested cook time 17 minutes (right on the dot)
• $6.49
• 28.7 ounces
• 2100 Cal/FP
• Here you go: 323 Cal/$, 4.4 oz/$

Picked up this beaut down at the local FP$, (frozen pizza $tore) Pinkus McBride. Hadn’t seen it before and decided to give it a try.

FP review:

Appearance:

Oh boy. When I unwrapped this puppy, I could hear it barking louder than a dump truck. Just look at the mountains of meat.

Fairly thick crust for an FP. Real nice.

The cheese caramelized a bit, but it didn’t even matter. There is so much meat you can hardly see the cheese.

Top view. Check out the topping coverage on that FP. Sure is something else.

 

 

Bark bark. dump truck.

Porcine boulders waiting to be excavated. Slices of pepperoni covered with flecks of bacon and ham. Truly an FPE’s dream come true. Looks great.

Nose:

The scent of the sausage really gets you going. The fennel and thyme are the most discernible fragrance, but you can also smell the tomato a bit. You gotta try real hard though, and know that there is tomato sauce, and inhale really fast. Pleasant bouquet.

Mouth-feel:

Pretty good, but strange. The bites without the sausage perform extremely well. The crust is flaky, the sauce provides adequate moisture, and the cheese breaks apart with ease. When the sausage comes into play, it’s a different story. The giant agglomerations of pork and spice really overpower the texture. Each one requires a bite that you must dedicate solely to that gob of hog. And it’s not like the sausage itself is unappealing. It’s just not really what I expect or want when I’m eating an FP.

Overall:

I feel starstruck. Not sure what to say. I am in the presence of a legend. All in all, very happy with this purchase. It is a bit more expensive than your average FP, but it certainly is not meant to be taken down solo. Big flavors, big meat, Big Ben.

Ratings:

Value: 85/100 – Not bad numbers in terms of Cal/$ and oz/$. As mentioned above, this FP is meant to be shared. Take it to the beach and make some friends.

Taste: 93/100 – A heavy hitter in the taste department. Don’t have much bad to say here. A little salty at times, but you gotta cure your meat somehow.

Aura: 84/100 – Pretty straight forward FPP, They use green for the background color though, which seems very un-FP like.

Mouth-feel: 77/100 – Maybe I should give two numbers here. The mouth-feel on the sausage-less bites was up in the lower nineties, but the bites of all sausage were kind of unrankable. I guess a 77 will average it out somehow.

Overall: 85/100 – B Solid

Suggested wine paring – Viognier 

I hope all of your FP dreams come true. I know sometimes it is hard to believe anyone else cares about FP’s, but we are all here for you.